


Seriously Sloppy

by grapehyasynth



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2016-06-17
Packaged: 2018-07-15 16:11:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7229461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grapehyasynth/pseuds/grapehyasynth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AGL03 requested: Fitzsimmons rescuing Huntingbird and being all sassy/you really need to be more careful about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seriously Sloppy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AGL03](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AGL03/gifts).



“Hunter, we have to go,  _ now _ !” Bobbi yelled, skidding into the room and grabbing Hunter’s hand.

“But Bob,” he whined, resisting her efforts to tug him away, “there’s got to be hundreds of thousands of dollars in solid gold in this safe--”

“Which won’t do you much good if that guy with the crossbow puts an arrow through your head,” she snapped.

“Just one more chalice--”

“ _ Leave it or I leave you!” _

He groaned and stuffed what little he could grab into his pockets, then pulled out his gun and chased after her, away from the alarms and shouts for reinforcements. The explosions they’d rigged on their way in had blockaded the hallway fairly well, but Bobbi was right: the guards were nearly through.

She must have found another way out, though, because she sprinted ahead without even checking the side corridors. She halted abruptly next to a non-descript patch of brick and Hunter -- who had had to run full-tilt to keep up with her and her goddamn long legs -- nearly collided with her.

“Through here.”

“You’re sure?” he panted skeptically, glancing up towards the ceiling.

“Are you the one wearing the thermal goggles?” she reminded him fiercely. “Just blast the damn thing.”

He grumbled but pulled out his laser -- a cheap knock-off of Fitz’s more refined Mouse Hole tech -- to do as she ordered.

“Drop your weapons!” called a voice behind them.

“Shite,” Hunter swore. Bobbi glanced sideways at him but didn’t move.

“On your knees and put your weapons down,” the man -- an American -- repeated over the sound of footsteps approaching them from behind.

They slowly did so, carefully maneuvering to the floor. Hunter put down his gun and laser and they both put their hands on their heads. He knew Bobbi still had her batons tucked beneath her jacket at her waist, if she could just get them -- and honestly, if the guards would just come close enough, she could easily take them out with her bare hands and feet.

He chanced a glance over his shoulder to assess their position. To his surprise, the two figures behind him were not dressed in bluish grey like the guards they’d taken out on their way but rather in all-black, including ski masks.

“Sorry, fellas.” He raised his eyebrows at Bobbi and lied smoothly, “The place was already knicked clean before we arrived. Guess someone beat us all to it.”

“Is that why you were clinking when you ran?” drawled the same man, stepping up behind them just out of reach of even Bobbi’s long limbs. “From all the gold you didn’t steal?”

Bobbi snorted audibly.

“Oi!” Hunter hissed. “Are we on the same side or not?”

“You can take it,” Bobbi called over her shoulder. “Take all the gold, I honestly don’t care.”

“Actually, I think we’ll take that flash drive you’ve stashed in your boot. Director Brennan will be mighty interested to find out how those nuclear codes ended up with two thieves.”

“Director Brennan? You’re with the CIA?” Bobbi said quickly.

“We’re S.H.I.E.L.D., mate!” Hunter exclaimed gleefully. “We were taking the codes  _ back  _ from the bad guys, see --”

“S.H.I.E.L.D., huh?” The man seemed to think for a minute, tapping his gun against his leg. “Got some ID?”

Bobbi and Hunter exchanged a look. “See, that’s where it gets a bit complicated,” Bobbi sighed.

“We  _ were  _ S.H.I.E.L.D. and we had to take a leave of absence, so to speak, to save our team and the organization and the whole world, really, because that’s the sort of good people we are--”

“So we don’t have ID badges, per se,” Bobbi cut him off, “but if you ask Director Brennan to contact Director Coulson, he’ll tell you--”

“It’s Director May now,” the man’s partner -- a woman -- corrected in the strangest accent Hunter had ever heard.

“What?” Bobbi gasped. “Is Coulson -- did he--”

“We ask the questions!” the first speaker said again. There was a moment of whispered conversation, and then he sighed, “On your feet and turn around.”

Hunter checked that Bobbi was complying before he stood slowly and turned to face their two apprehenders -- who were both quite short, now that he and Bobbi were standing. They’d be easy to take down.

“You should really be more careful,” the woman with the strange accent said.

“Seriously sloppy,” agreed the man, and they both crossed their arms.

“Hang on...” Hunter said slowly, a second before the two people took off their masks to reveal Fitz and Simmons.

“No way,” Bobbi laughed, letting her arms drop.

“What?” Hunter cried. “It was you two the whole time?”

“Fitz, your accent’s really impressive,” Bobbi grinned as Fitz re-secured his gun. “Totally thought you were actually American.”

“What the hell were you trying to be, Jemma?” Hunter snorted.

“Canadian!” she said furiously.

“Well, it was terrible,” Bobbi informed her.

“I  _ told  _ her,” Fitz muttered. “But really, guys, theft?”

“For the record, I had  _ no idea _ he was planning on doing that,” Bobbi said quickly. “I was really just here for the codes.”

“He’s a right bastard, the bloke who owns this place,” Hunter protested. “It’s like Robin Hood.”

“And who were the poor to whom you planned to regift the gold?” Jemma prodded.

“Us?” Hunter replied sheepishly. “Thought we deserved a holiday, just like Bob’s always saying.”

“Don’t expect me to go all weak at the knees just because you were going to use ill-begotten wealth to pay for a vacation you’d only  _ happen  _ to invite me along for.”

An explosion from a few corridors away interrupted them and Fitz glanced nervously over his shoulder in the direction of the noise. “You two can have at each other when we’re up in the air, okay? Jemma--”

She nodded and pressed a button on her watch. “Quinjet will get us off the roof in five.”    


“What are you two even doing in the field?” Bobbi demanded as they jogged around a corner and towards a staircase.

“May’s a bit short on bodies,” Fitz explained grimly.

“Any chance she needs an ex-mercenary and a hellbeast?” Hunter inquired hopefully.

“It could be negotiated. Though if your performance today is meant to recommend your skills,” Jemma smirked, “the Director’s probably going to want to keep looking.”

“We could out-field you in a heartbeat!” Hunter called furiously after Jemma as she and Fitz took the stairs two at a time. “Just because you two are freakishly in-sync and got the jump on us today -- which was  _ entirely  _ luck, by the way, nothing to do with skill -- doesn’t mean you’re more qualified than we are!”

“Down, boy,” Bobbi chided, grabbing his arm to keep him from catching up with their former teammates. “You’re so busy defending yourself to the tiny doctors that you didn’t even notice.”

“Notice what?” Hunter asked blankly.

“Their sexual tension.” Bobbi waved her hands significantly. “Gone. Poof.”

“You don’t mean -- you can’t mean--”

“Plus Jemma’s got a ring on.”

“Bloody hell!!” Hunter yelped and broke her grip, sprinting up the stairs. “Fitz, you absolute beauty!” 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm grapehyasynth on Tumblr too! :P


End file.
